Momming Ain't Easy

So, it has been one month since I became a Mom. That is crazy to me for so many reasons. First off, I'm a mom. Secondly, it seems like Henry was just born yesterday, and yet, it's like we have always had him. There is so much that I don't know about how to raise a child, and I guess I'll continuously feel that way, since right when you figure something out, they grow up a little more and change on you.

The first few weeks home were difficult. I have never been so emotional in my life. I was happy to have a baby, but the reality of "I have a baby" kicked in and then it was more like " Holy shit, I have a baby, who needs me constantly and who I will be responsible for for the next 18 years!" I don't think that Hallmark makes cards that say " Do you know what you have gotten yourself into!?!" but maybe they should, just to warn soon-to-be mothers. My hormones have gotten in check since then and I haven't cried in days, not even at those Johnson & Johnson commercials. (Damn, I just watched this and teared up. Set the Cryometer back to zero)

During the day, Henry wants to be held constantly. Even while he sleeps. So I have taken to learning how to clean the house, eat my meals and even put on makeup with a baby strapped to my chest. Until about 4 months old, you can't spoil a baby with too much physical interaction, so I know that I am not ruining things for future me to have some time alone, but it sure takes a lot of time out of your day. If you don't plan out your goals each morning, by the end of the day, you realize that you have done nothing but increase the size of the dent in the couch. Babies are time burglars.

The most difficult part has been the adjustment to my sleep schedule. I remember thinking, while I was pregnant, "Yeah, I know babies wake up a few times a night, but that shouldn't be that bad." And it wouldn't be, if they just needed to wake up for five minutes to use the bathroom. They need to eat, be changed, be burped, and that can quickly turn into an hour long ordeal. You get them to sleep and two hours later, they are ready to do it all again. Luckily, we learned quickly that Henry sleeps longer if he is in his own room. We now go to bed around 9 PM to ensure that we have enough extra hours in the night to really sleep. But seriously, 9PM? It feels insane to go to bed that early, and significantly limits the amount of time that we have to spend together as a family at night. (IE - the number of shows we can watch).

But even with the limited knowledge that I have gained, I am comfortable that, for the most part, we are doing the right thing. And if not, there is always Google. I can't be sure of it, but I think that the incidence of crazy mothers as dropped significantly since the invention of the Internet. Instead of worrying and taking your kids to the doctor tons of extra times, you can just look up why your son is pooping grass green. And here I thought it was the open grazing in the yard. Looks like we won't have to break out the lawnmower after all.

But at the end of the day, I have this to look forward to:

From Random Henry Pics

Dressing babies up in adorable clothes is the best! (BTW- does anyone else think that he looks like a representative of the Lollypop Guild?)

It's been one week since you looked at me

One week old already, I can hardly believe it. It's been an amazing week with you. Emotional, tiring, and wonderful. As much as I tried to prepare myself mentally for what it would be like to have a baby, there is just no possible way to be ready. You are so sweet and fragile, and all I want is to make you happy, whatever it takes, no matter how hard it is.

You have been the perfect baby. You were perfect in the womb, rarely giving me any of the classic uncomfortable pregnancy pains. Sure, I had heartburn and my pelvic muscles got sore, but no morning sickness or swelling, or excessive weight gain. In the week leading up to your delivery, no one could believe that I was 9 months pregnant. But like clockwork, on the due date set by your midwives, you came.

Labor was one of the most incredible experiences. I had committed to trying to have you naturally, with no drugs, but was also open to the idea that if I couldn't handle it, I had that option. I started feeling contractions at 2Pm on the 24th, they were frequent but not painful or regular. By 11:30 that night, they were something more. It was clear to me that this was it, maybe not for a while, but these were not the kind of contractions that were just going to go away. By 12:30, I accepted that I couldn't sleep through them, and decided to get up and close out my work, forwarding all my emails and calls to my boss. We called the midwife, she said to wait for an hour and see if the contractions got stronger and to call back. At 3AM, we told her that we were coming in.

We arrived at the hospital at 4, and confirmed that I was 3 centimeters dilated. I had to walk the halls of the labor and delivery floor for an hour to see if there would be progress. That hour seemed to take forever, but we made it through. 6 centimeters, 6 AM, time to be admitted.

The next few hours were a haze of people entering and exiting the room, checking monitors. I had decided before I went into labor that I would try to handle the labor as I have my three bouts of food poisoning from a year prior, including the one I had in Paris that marked the beginning of our attempt at your conception. I focused inward, and breathed through the pain of each contraction. Upon reflection, I think that I may have even been half asleep for most of the labor, rousing only during the sharpest contractions.

After about 3 hours, I told the midwife that I felt I needed to push. She checked and confirmed that it was time. 23 minutes later at 9:45 AM on October 25th, there you were. The final moments were surprisingly easy. Your first cry was so beautiful and strong. You were placed on my chest, and instantly, I was in love. Overcome with emotion, I couldn't cry, I just smiled and held you and kissed you. Your daddy cried and we hugged, having just gone through our first moment as a family. No drugs, no screaming, no blaming your father that "he did this to me"! Just 10 hours of focusing on what was most important, bringing you into the world, healthy.

Since then, it's been a whirlwind week of visitors, late night feedings, and diaper changes. You are showing your personality already. If you are full, you are happy. You don't cry much, but love to be held. You are a master at peeing on yourself during diaper changes, and some days have multiple wardrobe changes, which is difficult, since you have very few items of clothing that fit you. 7 pounds, 11 ounces at birth, you are not the hefty boy I thought I was sure to have, and I am eternally grateful to you for that. You are strong for your small stature though, and can already lift your head up if you are placed on your stomach.

You have melted my heart. Happy One Week Birthday, Henry! Momma loves you more than you know, but I'll be doing everything I can to try to show you how much.