Ship Happens

Saturday was the day of the $60,000 wedding and I imagined it to be much more fantastical than it actually was. I had envisioned a meal of caviar and truffles, some celebrity guest musicians, and diamond wedding favors. This, I did not get. Oh,well. It was a lovely service, with a string quartet playing all of the wedding music. Scott, Larry and I were the first to arrive at the reception, at the Chartwell Golf Course and Country Club. The front table had all of the place cards for the guests. I quickly found mine.

The entire reception had a sailing theme, as both the bride and groom were from Annapolis and the groom was on the sailing team in college. Usually, the place card has the table that you are seated at, to avoid the otherwise inevitable (Larry, Scott and I at the sweetheart table- sure it would be awkward, but I think that you get served dinner first). I knew, being that we were part of the prestigious "friends from work" group and even worse the "groom's friends from work", that we would probably not be getting the primo seating up front. We wouldn't be able to see the toasts, or the cake cutting, and I was ok with that. I opened the place card to find this:

Excuse me! I believe that you must be mistaken, have you not seen my blog? I am the cooliest, and I believe that that is the antithesis of Loser.

When we reached the Loser table, we found the table sign with some weak explanation that "the Laser Standard is one of the most popular one-handed sailing dinghies...." Blah, blah, blah, lies, lies, lies. I may not be a socialite from Annapolis, but I know when I am being ridiculed. And they can take their loser dinghy and shove it up their stern.

Congratulations, Garey and Amy!

Ma Isla Bonita

It turns out that Madonna was not speaking of a mythical island in her 1987 hit, unlike The Beach Boys' Kokomo, which sounded much more tropical in the song. However, on Isla Bonita, it would probably be a Portuguese lullaby.

Ilsa Bonita

So, for the low price of $2.6 million, Isla Bonita could be yours. Don't ask me how I ended up fantasy window shopping for islands last night, but I did. And it was delicious. I hoped that I would dream of owning one last night. With a beautiful house on it. With a basement. But alas, I did not. You just can't force that kind of perfection.

Cue the Flashing Lights

It's Thursday, September 20th, and you know what that means! Its time to play:
GUESS.....THAT.....PIC!

(DAAAA, da, dadadadada, DAAAAA, da, dadada)

The rules are simple. Look at this picture. Guess what it is. Win. Win big. Actually, there are no prizes, but I felt like it made it more exciting. And now that I think about it, maybe there will be a prize. (Hmmmmm, very interesting, she thought, stroking her imaginary beard and looking up - as though she could picture one of her friends riding their winnings around town; a donkey unlike any other - a kickass ass)

Anyway.....Not really sure what happened there, but I thought this was a cool image and wanted to see if anyone could guess what it was of.

A Bunch of Booty

Ahoy!! Today be Talk like a Pirate day, and I almost missed it. T' honor pirates everywhere, I have collected a bunch o' pirate booty.

First, here be an English t' Pirate translator!

Next, find your pirate name. Mine is Red Jenny Rackham.

Get an eye patch t' pirate up your buckos, as displayed below. (I do not know o' his name, but I think it will turn up)

And finally, this nerdy pirate game. Pirates and math- who knew!


Hope you enjoy!

Punk Kids Need Entertainers, Too

I quick pic of a beautiful day, a classic Mini, and a punk clown, with a rainbow mohawk ponytail, white face paint, and a red star sticker on his head. Have fun kids!

The Underlying Question

So reading CNN today I see this.
Robot maker with a penchant for realism builds artificial boy

And the only thing I can think is :
Who names their child Zeno?

On the Outside

It was an amazingly beautiful day today. So nice that I decided to "set up shop" in the back yard.

It was very relaxing and put me in a good mood, allowing me to get more work done. Very productive. Working outside reminded me of the hyper-minimalist architecture firm scene from Upright Citizen's Brigade, where a woman goes for an interview, and the address takes her into the woods. She finds a man sitting in front of a fallen tree with a cup of coffee and his telephone sitting on it. He gives her a tour through the forest and she keeps stepping on piles of leaves (My blueprints!) or accidentally wandering into the men's "room", which is just a grouping of trees. I tried to find a picture online, but to no avail. A search for hyper minimalist architecture did provide this however:

Interesting, but not the comedy I was hoping for. So I found the only UCB clip I could.


Why this show was ever canceled is a question that will haunt me more than the meaning of life.

Open for Business

I got a free color laser printer from a guy at a networking meeting. Thats pretty cool, especially when he tells me that he knows that it works. It just needs toner cartridges, he says.

I check the Blag-O-Blag. Replacement cartridges for all four color run around $300. Not so cool. I decide that I need to test the printer to determine if all need replacing, or just a few. I turn on the printer and find that it is giving an error. Replace/Install Waste Toner Cartridge. Waste toner cartridge? What's that? A little more browsing and I discover that the printer has a plastic bin that collects old toner and Samsung thinks that you need to cap that one up, trash it and buy a new one. I promptly empty it in the trash, wash it out, reinstall and voila! Printer works! All toner cartridges are working, color is B-E-A-Utiful and it was absolutely free. Larry suggested that we could start our own printing company now. Anyone have any pie charts that they need printed to wow the clients? Mmm, pie. Delicious.

OK, OK, only 75% delicious. Anyway, I am super psyched. When we were buying our printer about 9 months ago, we wavered on whether we should get a color laser or just a B&W. We decided that we didn't really need the color and it wasn't worth the wasted money. So B&W it was. I feel like God sent a printer-toting angel to reward us for a good decision. What? Too much? No need to bring God into this? Did I mention I was excited?

First picture printed on the printer- Erin and her 2/3 ft. with spheres. Heavenly!

Foresight is 20/20

Have you ever been in your house and seen something that needed to be taken care of, but decided that you could do it later, because whatever you were currently doing seemed more important at the time? Heed my advice. Take care of that something right away. It is too late for me.

Here is the aftermath of a small cat food bin no longer being able to support the weight of the large dog food bin with about 40 lbs. of dog food in it. Why balance the large bin on top of the small one to begin with you ask? Why, to save the effort of bending over once a day, of course. The Symms home thrives on efficiency.

(Please note- somehow the cat litter bucket ended up on top of a 2 inch layer of dog food. I think that the litter bucket had been on top of the dog food container and took a wild surf down the IAM's to the floor. What a sight that would have been.)

It Looks Beatle-ful

"Across the Universe" is a new original musical that builds it's story from the music of the Beatles. It also uses live action, painting and 3-D animation. It looks amazing. Just thought you might be interested. It opens nationwide on Sept 21.

Music Posts Abound

Since I like to follow a crowd, it only seems appropriate that I post about music today as well. I am listening to Spoon, who, until today, I thought that I had never heard.



I realized as soon as the song started that I had heard the song a number of times, but thought it was a new Billy Joel song. I am not a Billy Joel fan, so I was surprised to like his new work. Now I know- it was Spoon.

Here's another song of theirs that I like a lot.



I agree with Doug about finding new music. I feel like it's one thing that will always make you feel young and alive, that new love for a new artist. You love it so much that you listen to it over and over and can't stop thinking about it. And you want to tell the world. Especially when you aren't telling the world that you love Billy Joel.

In yo' Face

I don't get what the kids are doing these days(said in my best crotchety old lady voice). Case in point- Facebook. I don't quite understand it. Its like email, but not. Its like IM, but not. Its like a blog, but yet again, not. Now I have an account, mostly because I wanted to see my cousin's Face (a way better name than profile - c'mon Facebook, get creative up in herre). I have realized that that is how most people get started on it. They need to be registered to have access into someone elses Face, so they sign up themselves. Now you have all of these people, all connected, who are only there to see what the other one is doing, but not listing what they themselves are doing. Do you see the irony in this? I do.

Facebook also has all of these plug-in, add-on things. Some are kinda cool, like a map that lets you list where you have been in the world, and games like Scrabble that you can play with others over many weeks (and you thought Trivial Pursuit took a long time to end). Some of these plug-in are so random, they are more like viruses that people willingly sign up for. I logged in today after having not used it for a month, and found that I had been bitten by a Vampire, a Werewolf, a Zombie, and was been requested to join the Pirates in fighting the Ninjas (which I declined because ninjas rool, pirates drool). For the bites I received, if you "Accept the Bite" it adds the plug-in to your account and you can start biting people. The point? Who the hell knows. To get the most bites, I think. And oh, what an honor that is - to be the most popular dork.

I just looked again. They also have "Gifts" that you can give. Apparently, the gifts are small Clip Art images that you can send to your friends. Awww, that's cute. So I click on the Gift giving option. It informs me that I have one gift to give and after that, gifts are $1 each. Asphinctersayswhat? $1 for an inch square Clip Art image? If these Facebook people are making money on Gifts, then our society is not far from the world portrayed in Idiocracy.

Because I love you all so much, here are a few "Gifts" for you. Stolen straight from Facebook. You are welcome.

Told ya ninjas rool.
(Seriously, who is going to pay a buck for an icon of a grown man trying to emulate the Coppertone baby? Thats just creepy. Or is it sexy? Let me check. No, its creepy.)

The Happiest Place on Earth

No, not Disney World. For me, its the cabin in Idaho. I went a few weeks ago and am just now getting around to posting my pics from the trip.

Of course, there are not many. I am awful with taking pictures. I like pictures. But when I am enjoying myself, I forget to take them, and when I am not enjoying myself, I don't want to take them. Its a quandary as to when I will actually get the drive. Hopefully when I have kids. Otherwise, the baby book can just be a manila folder with the one picture that the hospital took taped inside, and will end up looking more like murder suspects file than the memories of a happy life growing up in the Symms house.

Purge your Pores

Want to have an instant hot flash? Here are the step by step instructions.

1. While working from home, have ongoing IM conversations with multiple people.
2.Read this.
3. Instead of writing to your husband, who sent you the link, respond with "ass baby! Hilarious!" to your boss.

Here is the conversation that ensued. Enjoy!

[10:48] jensymms: ass baby!
[10:48] jensymms: hilarious
[10:49] bossman: what?
[10:49] jensymms: sorry
[10:49] jensymms: wrong window
[10:49] jensymms: :-\
[10:49] jensymms: awkward
[10:49] bossman: seemed weird?
[10:50] jensymms: my husband
[10:50] jensymms: he is wierd
[10:50] jensymms: and i guess, so am i
[10:50] bossman: I'm not even going to try to figure out what "ass baby!" means
[10:51] bossman: Unless you're talking about PayPal
[10:51] jensymms: hehehe
[10:52] jensymms: he listens to Howard Stern, it was from a letter that someone on the show wrote, apologizing for being so drunk that he missed a friends wedding
[10:52] jensymms: he called himself that
[10:53] bossman: got it.
[10:53] jensymms: anywho
[10:53] jensymms: on to pretending that never happened
[10:53] bossman: I've never heard wedding and drunk in the same sentence.
[10:54] bossman: ok, a few times
[10:54] bossman: almost always
[10:56] jensymms: usually though, you get drunk at the wedding
[10:57] jensymms: he got drunk on friday night , went to bed at 7AM Saturday and woke up at 5Pm Sunday
[10:57] jensymms: thats excessive
[10:58] bossman: That's almost dead.
[10:59] jensymms: yeah
[10:59] jensymms: he is a mess
[10:59] bossman: Was that Stern?
[10:59] bossman: or a caller?
[11:01] jensymms: its a co worker of his
[11:01] jensymms: here is the letter
[11:02] jensymms: http://www.howardstern.com/archive.hs?h=1126
[11:06] bossman: I like the phrase "pig filled with whisky and excedrin pm"
[11:06] jensymms: yeah
[11:07] jensymms: so now you see why I said "ass baby!, hilarious!"

That was very close to one of the most awkward moments of my life, second only to the time when my Dad caught Larry and I in the shower and I denied the whole thing. Ah, the memories! However, this experiment only further proves how awesome my job is.

(Note: my boss does not use the screen name bossman. It is actually assbaby, which, now that I think about it, is rather ironic.)

National Geographic

Our education system is failing. Exhibit 1:


Seriously. She just gave that answer with a straight face. I know that I am not that good at geography; I can find the US on a map, but maybe all of my other geographical issues stem from my lack of owning a map. And the fact that us US Americans have not been helping South Africa, the Iraq and the Asian countries, like such as. This just proves, it really does take a village.

Satisfying

It is amazing what you can pack into a 3 day weekend. I watched two rented movies, tailgated and football game watched for 8 hours, celebrated Doug's birthday for 12 hours (hella fun), and still had time to spend 4 hours swimming and sunning on Labor Day before having a delicious dinner of king crab legs, roasted potatoes with rosemary and grilled zucchini and asparagus.

The highlight was Doug's birthday. Doug, can you have a birthday at least once a month?